Marie and L meet House, redo
by Marie Alexandra
Summary: Marie catches a cold on a covert mission...or is it just a cold? Will House's unorthodox healing methods unveil 'The Smith's' true identities or will Marie-Alexandra be healed in peace? Read to find out more
1. Chapter 1

Here's another episode of L and Marie. ^_^ I deleted the other story because it was getting too long and dramatic- I want this to be entertaining and sweet and it wasn't working out that way, so I'm starting over. Also since I don't have any medical training so whatever Marie has is something I made up. I just needed symptoms so I threw some on there, lol. Also, sorry about the short chapters. I just post as I write so that it moves along faster on the site. (I don't own anything copyrighted and no infringement is intentional. This is free advertising for these two shows and they'd be stupid to sue me.) Oh, btw, I'm going to do one soon where L tells Marie-Alexandra his real name. What do you think?  
Feedback is ALWAYS welcome. Thanks everyone for reviewing on my other stories too! Enjoy!

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**L AND MARIE-ALEXANDRA MEET HOUSE**

SMACK! – a stack of paper was slapped onto the wooden desk.

"Clinic duty." Cuddy said, smirking. House rolled his eyes, and spun around in his chair. The ball bounced from the ceiling back into his hands.

"But _moooooom,_" the Gimped Genius whined. Cuddy was already leaving.

"No 'buts'," She said, wagging her finger. "You're doing this, period."

House leaned back and watched her leave.

"I see one," He said, making a frame with his thumbs and index fingers.

"Very funny, House." Cuddy rounded the corner and was gone.

House sighed and picked up the Paper Stack of Doom and started on clinic duty.

_Several hours previously…_

The lounge area was silent except for the clock that hung on a nearby post. Tick, tick, tick was all that you could hear, except for the occasional turning of a magazine page.  
Matsuda and Marie-Alexandra sat opposite each other, looking through Meesa's magazines. Then suddenly-

"_GEAAACHOO! _Ughnn…"

"WHAA?!" Thud!

Marie exploded in a long suppressed sneeze, startling Matsuda onto the floor.

"Yuch. Sorry, Madsuda."

"That's ok," The young detective said, laughing it off and climbing back onto the couch. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'b find." Marie blew her nose into a tissue. "I'm just coming down with something, that's all. I'll take a vitamin later."

The day before, Marie had gone on a covert mission to a prison located in the middle of a lake in Canada. In order to get in, you either had to be one of the worse criminals in the world, or work there. She swam to it and snuck in through a drainage pipe. The point of the operation was to see which criminals Kira had no access to, as well as investigating one of the operatives they identified in Mello's group. He appeared to have done time in the place, but Mello broke him out. The security was so tight on their computer systems that it was impossible to break into it unnoticed, so Marie volunteered to go in person. The mission was a success, but apparently Marie-Alexandra was feeling the effects of swimming through shark infested waters on a freezing November morning at three A M.  
An hour later, Marie-Alexandra lay all but prostrate on the couch. A mountain of used tissues overflowed the waste basket, and several tissue boxes lay empty.

Matsuda walked back into the room.

"Geah!" He backpedaled in surprise.

"Hi Madsuda." Marie said. Her voice was scratchy and weak from a soar throat.

"I tried to go ub indo by roob but I pad out half way up da stairz."

Marie looked up and saw L perched on the arm of the sofa, staring down at her with his wide, staring eyes.

"Matsuda tells me you are sick."

"Wow, you notid? Dorry 'bout the lounge." Marie-Alexandra tried to sniff but she might as well have tried to inhale a brick.

"That's ok, Matsuda will clean it up."

"Huh? I'll what-?"

"Do we hab any Nyquil?"

"I'm afraid not."

Marie sighed.

"You should go to the doctor anyway," Matsuda said. "You look really bad."

"Gee, thags, Madsuda. You don'd look doe bad yourself."

"There's a teaching hospital nearby," Matsuda said. "They have a clinic. Should I call and make an appointment?"

"Yes." L said, glancing over at Matsuda. "Can you get changed?" He looked back at Marie.

"Yeah, I'll go." She dragged herself up the stairs and headed for the living quarters.

"If I'b not back in fibe minutes come find be."

House pulled up a chair. An old woman sat on the paper covered mattress, glaring at House through her ancient crystal specs.

"Are yoo ssssser-tee-fied?" She whistled through her porcelain teeth. House raised an eyebrow and flipped through her file.

"Guess we'll find out, won't we?" He pulled out a couple of x-rays and glanced at them. After shooting House a dark look, the woman went on.

"Hai've been havin' pains in my back," She drawled. "An' mah knees, and mah ale-bows, an' my fingers-"

House interrupted.

"You have arthritis, _Granny_," House said, impatiently. "Your bones are _grinding_ together like little grindstones." House waved the x-ray in the woman's face.

"What have you been taking for it?"

"Hai've been rubbin' honey on mah skin before each full moon, lak you're _supposed to,_ young rip," Granny snapped. "An Hai want _yoo_ to tell me wha it ain't workin!"

House stared at her.

"Turning yourself into a grizzly bear snack _isn't_ how you're supposed to treat arthritis!" House said. "Well, I guess it _would_ solve your problem pretty quickly. Mine too for that matter. Keep doing what you're doing."

He got up and left. Sighing, he turned to the next page on his little list. He walked into another room. A boy, girl, and a big guy with a mustache that reminded House of a caterpillar, were waiting. The boy was sitting in a chair with his knees pulled up to his chest staring off into space. He wore a worn out baseball cap and loosefitting jeans. The man was in the middle of handing the girl a tissue box, and the girl was sitting on the bed. She appeared to have a very bad case of the flu, and really should have been in bed. _And away from me,_ House added to himself. He sat down and looked at his file. The girl had a pale, pallid face and was sweating even though the room was cold. She was shivering and obviously trying not to cough. He glanced at her shoes. They were clean except for some mud on the bottoms. It was the kind of mud you'd find around a lake. House could see some slime left. Also none of the group looked like each other. No family resemblance whatsoever.

"Well…mister _Smith,_" he said, slapping the file down on the desk and looking up at Mr. Yagami.

"What has your 'daughter' been doing?"

Marie coughed.

"What do you mean?" Detective Yagami asked. "She's sick."

"Really? I hadn't noticed. I thought you stopped by for tea." House took a penlight and shone it in Marie's eyes. Her pupils barely reacted. House narrowed his eyes and rolled back in his chair.

"Well, she-"

"She went swimming in the lake on a dare." L spoke. Marie glanced at him. He disguised his normally emotionless voice very well. He sounded like…a normal person. Marie shuddered. It was disconcerting. House looked at L sharply.

"I wasn't talking to _you,_" He said. He turned back to Yagami. "Well?"

"It's like he said," Yagami said, shrugging. "She went in the lake in 33 degree weather on a dare-"

"And got ten bucks out of the deal." L laughed. Marie glared at him.

"-and caught a cold that got worse instead of better." Yagami continued. "Is that…medically relevant?"

"Nope. Just nosey." House scribbled out a prescription and almost was about to hand it to Mr. 'Smith' when he noticed a rash on Marie's neck.

"What's that?" He pointed to it with his pen.

"You're a doctor, you tell me," Marie croaked. "Give me some medicine so I can go lapse into a coma peacefully please."

House was ignoring her. He pulled a glove on and pulled Marie's t-shirt collar down a couple inches. The rash appeared to go on past the neckline.

Marie blinked at him.

"I'll cough on you."

House leaned back and Marie coughed into a handkerchief.

"Hmm…" House got up and left. Marie glared after him.

"This is why I don't like going to the doctor. You sit on a chunk of butcher paper in a refrigerator-like room to have someone go, "Hmm, mmhmm, yep, you're sick." Then not do anything about it."

Mr. Yagami chuckled.

Fifteen minutes later, Marie was in a hospital room, L in his wont position on a chair by the bed, with Yagami outside the glass doors arguing with a tall bald black man.

"Next time I go on a covert mission in a shark infested lake, I insist that we have two gallons of Nyquil on standby and about fifty boxes of tissues." Marie muttered, blowing her nose. L looked from Yagami and the doctor to Marie.

"Are you sure you're alright? It's not every day that one of the force ends up in the hospital."

"Huh? Sure it…well, okay, it's not, but honestly I feel better than I did earlier, now that they finally gave me some medicine." She looked over at him. "Why are you here, anyway?" She said. "You hate going out. Although a hospital would be a fitting place to go if you were gonna go anywhere."

"Hmm, very funny. Actually I was just worried about you. That is what friends do for each other, isn't it? I feel certain that you'd be here if I was in the hospital."

Marie laughed gingerly. Her ribs hurt from coughing.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just silly I guess."


	2. The Diagnosis, Part One

Sorry I didn't update in so long guys- Got a little side tracked. Anyway, here you go! All the diseases are real diseases that match Marie-Alexandra's symptoms, just fyi.

CHAPTER TWO: THE DIAGNOSIS

"It _could_ just be a rash," Stated Chase. "An allergic reaction to something in the water."

"Gasp! Or, it COULD be the flu!" House said sarcastically.

"What about Amoebiasis?" Taub considered.

"That could be it," Thirteen agreed. "The symptoms are often mistaken for the flu."

"What about the rash?" Chase asked.

"Schistosomiasis ?" put in Cameron. "That would explain the rash."

House glanced at his watch. Yuck. Clinic duty again.

"Well," House declared, "While _you_ people argue about whether to test for parasites or viruses, I'm going to go talk to the patient."

"What?" Foreman, who had been silent up until this point, interjected. "Now? That was quick."

"What?" House said in mock-innocence. "Can't a caring doctor talk to his patients?"

He vanished with most of the team behind him, each of them going to perform a different test. Cuddy entered moments afterward.

"Where did house go?" She wanted to know.

"To talk to the patient," Foreman shrugged.

"Oh." Cuddy paused for a moment, then handed Foreman a file. "Then you can pick up the slack in the clinic." She left dialing a number on her cell phone while jotting something down on a notebook. Foreman groaned and rolled his eyes.


	3. The Diagnosis, Part Two

Marie coughed, sneezed, blew her nose, and hiccupped almost all at the same time. L blinked and observed that he had never witnessed such a feat before.

"You know," Marie-Alexandra commented, "They're going to take this dumb rash into consideration."

"Why shouldn't they?" Asked L.

"Because some jerk sprayed me with this wicked pepper- GEAACHOO – stuff and that's all it is. What should we tell them, Tensai-Sensei?"

L thought a moment.

"You _were_ acting on a dare. We'll just tell them things got a little out of hand."

"Sound's ligge uh blan." Marie-Alexandra blew her nose again. "At least I'm not sneezing so much."

"All of your symptoms have lessened it seems." L commented.

"Hmph. But replaced with-"

"GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!" House announced himself as he entered. Marie-Alexandra and L looked up at him. Alexandra glared, then decided it wasn't worth the effort.

"What's up, Doc?" Marie-Alexandra greeted sarcastically, blowing her nose once again.

"Looks like you have E. Coli." House stated, watching their reaction.

"That's impossible." Marie-Alexandra stated, before L could say the exact same thing. House watched her.

"Really? How's that?"

"The lake I was at was a public place, and near a spinach farm. So it was tested for E. Coli in '06 when everyone freaked out about the spinach thing. Plus none of my symptoms match."

House narrowed his eyes- an action that didn't escape either Marie-Alexandra or L's notice. L was a little more concerned about it though.

"What's the deal, doc?" He drawled. "That's kind of a duh thing, dontya think? I mean that stuff's intestinal, right? I thought she just had the flu."

"She doesn't." House pretended to study his clip board.

"So what do I have?" Marie-Alexandra asked.

Just then, most of the team started to show up.

"House," Cameron announced, "It's- "

"Get out of here!" House barked sarcastically. "Our patient is sick!"

Marie glared at him.

"Just _spit it out_ dude," She rasped. "I'm _awake_ and _sick_ and _in a bad mood._ Quit jerking me around."

Taub and Foreman started to enter then stopped when House began to exit.

Cameron briefly apologized for disturbing Marie-Alexandra then followed House.

"What are you doing here?" House demanded of Taub.

"I think it's- "

"I don't care what you think. You're annoying me. Go be nice to the patient or something." House dismissed him. Taub blinked at him with his mouth open for a second, then resignedly entered the room.

"He was _going to say,_" Thirteen said, "That she tested positive for Schistosoniasis."

"And," Said Chase, walking up, "Leptospirosis."

"There is evidence of Taeniasis," Foreman stated.  
"How is that possible?" Cameron wanted to know, turning to him.

"She isn't displaying any neurological complications."

"I found evidence of Taenia eggs." Foreman insisted, curling his lip in contempt, as was his wont with people who disagreed with him.

"She tested positive for Polio, too," Thirteen stated. Everyone stared at her.

"What?" Chase said.

"I'm just reading the results." Thirteen stated, defensively.

"Are you sure you're not just being _morbid?_" House asked. 13 glared at him.

"I'm sure. And," she commented, "She does have the flu."

"Well, _something_ must be wrong." Foreman said. "She can't have _all_ of this and not displaying any symptoms other than a rash and flu."

"If," House remarked thoughtfully, "the rash is even a symptom."

Meanwhile, in the room, Taub was sitting in a slightly awkward situation.

"I'm doctor Taub. I, uh, am going to…" He tried to think of something that he could be doing other than being kicked in here by House.

"You got stuck with baby sitting because you're annoying. Whatever, doc, House is a jerk, that's pretty obvious." Marie-Alexandra said. Taub smiled slightly.

"So…uh…are you missing a lot of school for this?" He said, conversationally. She looked pretty alert, and he _had_ to say _something_ to get rid of the awkward silence.

"I guess." Marie-Alexandra replied. Just then, L's cell phone rang.

"Hey, Matsuy," he greeted. A garbled and excited voice came through. Marie blinked.

"Whoa, slow down, buddy," L drawled. "I know you like football but-"

He was cut off by more excited fast talking.

"Really? That's a pretty amazing score, Matsuy."

"Who's he talking to?" Taub asked, his conversational yet nosey personality driving him to speak.

Marie blinked at him.

"Matsuy." She stated. She strained to catch some of what Matsuda was saying. She heard Mogi's voice take over with an excited but (more calm than Matsuda's) voice.

"They're into football." Marie-Alexandra said, crossing her arms behind her head.


End file.
